Friday, November 27, 2009

கவலைகள்...




மீசை வைக்கலாமா வேண்டாமா?
இந்த வருடம் மழை பொழியுமா பொழியாதா?

இட்லியா தோசையா?
காலையா மதிய உணவா?

நிலம் வாங்கலாமா வீடு வாங்கலாமா?
வங்கிக்கடன் கிட்டுமா கிட்டாதா?

வேலை மாற்றலாமா?
நிலம் விற்று நகரம் செல்லலாமா?

வெளி நாட்டில் படிக்க வைக்கலாமா?
படிக்க வைக்கலாமா?

அமெரிக்காவா ஆஸ்திரேலியாவா?
வாழ்வா சாவா?

இதில் 1, 3, 5, 7.. வரிகள் எனது கவலைகள்.. 2, 4, 6, 8.. வரிகள் எனக்கு உணவு அளிக்கும் விவசாயியின் கவலைகள் (கனவுகள்)..

Saturday, July 25, 2009

வேலை இல்லாதவனின் வெட்டி வார்த்தைகள்




இளைஞர்களை நாத்திகவாதியாக்க எளிய வழி: கோயில்களில் கைப்பேசியை தடை செய்வது!

பதில் : இருக்கு ஆனா இல்ல. இல்ல ஆனா இருக்கு.
கேள்வி : ஆன்மீகம் என்றால் என்ன?



எனது மூளையை சிறுமையாக படைத்தவன் கடவுளா?


ஒத்திப்போடுதல் தீமை! இதை போன வருடமே சொல்ல நினைத்தேன் :)



அடுக்கு மாடி கல்லறையில் ஏறி ஒரு பூ வைத்து அஞ்சலி செலுத்தினான், தன் தகப்பனாருக்கு!
பெயர் : பொற்செழியன் தோற்றம் : கிபி 2415 மறைவு : கிபி 2500



"கண்ணா இது தான் பேனா"
"அம்மா பேனா எதுக்கு?"
"இத வெச்சு எழுதலாம், கையெழுத்து போடலாம்"
"கையெழுத்தா அப்படினா?"
இடம் : பேனா ம்யூஸீயம் , கிபி 2600



அகழி அமைகிறார்கள். எதிரியிடம் இருந்து காக்க அல்ல. யானையிடம் இருந்து விவசாய நிலத்தை காக்க...


கோடி எண்ணங்கள் துணை இருந்தால் அது தனிமை!

Monday, July 06, 2009

தமிழில் படிக்கலாம் வாங்க!!

I was just watching a kids' show in the most widely seen television channel in our country, the "Doordarshan" ;-).

Two puppets were reciting this nursery rhyme,

One Two
Who are you
Three Four
Open the door
Five Six
Pick up the sticks
Seven Eight
Lay them straight
Nine Ten
A big fat hen

I am sure kids would have a lot of fun reciting this. I thought why not translate this in tamil.
தமிழிலும் படிக்கலாமே..

So here goes my translation (not a literal one though ;-0),

ஒன்னு ரெண்டு
வாய கொஞ்சம் மூடு
மூனு நாலு
சங்கு ஊதினா பாலு
அஞ்சு ஆறு
மூஞ்சியப் பாரு
ஏழு எட்டு
போடாத பிட்டு
ஒன்பது பத்து
இத எழுதினவன சாத்து!!!


I just did it for the pun of it. No offense meant whatsoever!!!

Saturday, July 04, 2009

Gattaca...




MJ was indifferently skimming through the newsdaily..

"50th anniversary of Micheal Jackson's death"

"A1B1 declared endemic by WHO"

"Sparrow spotted near the Sundarbans. Sparrows were believed to be extinct 30 years ago."

Sports:

"India lose the series in Australia."

"Delhi still preparing for the commonwealth games."

......

Ad zone:

"No time to cook?? No time to train kids?? Arivu, the intelligent agent has arrived. Now buy Arivu for just Rs. 10000. 5 new emotions added. "

"Worried about dark complexion? Want to be fair? Call us on 1800-122-133-5."
.....

MJ picked up the phone and said 1800-122-133-5.

"Press 1 to schedule an appointment."
"Press 2 to cancel an appointment."
"Press 3 to register a complaint."
"Press 4 for general info about 'O' Cure hospital."
"Press # to revisit the menu."

He nailed"1" and said "20th aug, 8 AM, Fair skin treatment".

20th aug, 8 AM
Venue: 'O' Cure hospital

Dr. O seemed very pleasant and most importantly very fair. It was convincing enough.

"Good Morning doctor."

"Morning MJ. So you are here for the fair skin treatment right?"

"Yes doc."

"You can tell me why do you want to do this, if you wish. I am just curious."

"Yes sure doctor. Though the world has advanced at a staggering pace in all respects, racism in our country is still in tact. I feel inferior and humiliated always. Everyone is biased. People still judge you by your skin color. I have lost so much in life just because i am dark. I want to be fair somehow."

"I understand your concern. Btw, I am totally against all such absurdities that are prevalent in our so called 'civilized' society. But the reality is most people are racists. I treat this as some kind of a service, though I would be happy if the society changes. I have treated 12 patients so far and all of them have got great results. "

Dr 'O' showed a terminal with all the testimonials duly digitally signed by the patients.
He went through the testimonials. One person had explained how he was able to marry a fair looking girl after the treatment. Another spoke about the change in his self-confidence and so on. It all sounded wonderful.

"But doctor how is it possible?"

"If we can modify the DNA, anything is possible. I found out that a specific protein extract from sharks can modify the genetic code for skin color without any side effects. I tested it on me and you can see the results. GATTACA !!"

"Hmm sounds persuasive. What is the procedure like?"

"It is very simple. You have to take this protein shot. After 4 months you would have a completely new grown fair skin."

"Let us do it doctor. I can't wait to see the results." said an unduly enthusiastic MJ.

Dr.O gave the shot and got his dues.

Dr. 'O''s words were not just words. Day by day he was seeing the change. He had become totally fair after 4 months. It gave a fresh breathe of air to MJ's mundane life. His life had turned on its head since he took the shot. He gifted an Audi to Dr. O..

Six months later:

For the past week or so, MJ had been feeling uncomfortable whenever he sat.

That day MJ woke up late and started browsing through the newsdaily. The top headline was,

"Dr. O arrested. A group of 12 people have filed the complaint. All of them had undergone fair skin treatment from 'O' Cure hospital. "

Pictures of all the affected 12 people were printed in fine colors. One of them had hair all over his body, some had horns, one stood with a long sticky tongue and a guy had developed webbed foot etc..

He was appalled to see those pictures.
His back started hurting badly. Something started to protrude out of his back.
In few days time, a fully grown tail was hanging out of his back !!.

Even after repeated amputations, MJ's tail never ceased growing.


It was later reported that Dr. O had developed a marsupial pouch under his belly.

PS: This is my first attempt with sci-fi. Kindly pour in your comments/criticisms ;-)..





Thursday, July 02, 2009

Bludgeoned back to earth...

It was one of those routine practice matches. So the "War Winners" were forked into two teams. Always I had a say in choosing the members of my team. I called the shots eventhough I was not the captain. Afterall captain is just another player :). I got my favorite buddies in our team and I sent Srini for spinning the coin. Let me describe Srini a bit. Srini was pale and he had an emaciated look. He was a guileless fellow who gave everything for friends. I used to always take him on my team as I liked him. He had shelled out lot of valuable money and time for the baddies of our town. I don't know what happened to him now. Last time when I saw him, he was working somewhere. He was not able to graduate from college due to the same bad company.

As a player, he was ordinary. Coming back to the game, he went and lost the toss. So we had to bowl. In our matches, whoever wins the toss would always bat first.

Though everyone loves batting more than bowling, the real reason was you never know when the ball would be busted. We never had the money to do instant purchases. So people always wanted to get as much batting as possible.

As we got ready to bowl, Tojo came in to play. Tojo was a dark lanky fellow. He was very senior to us. He always flaunted his earrings, constantly ruminated a bubble gum and had this air around him. He thought that he was handsome. I loathed him to the core. Unfortunately that day, we had to take him in our team as we were one player short.

In the practice matches, we chose to chuck rather than bowl. The reason being that bowling would drastically slow down the pace and with chucking you get to play a lot more number of games. I was adept at chucking the ball. I used to conjure up those mad angles by chucking wide of the crease. I was usually not scored off more than 4 or 5 runs an over. That day I decided to bowl the second spell. Since the big fella Tojo was there I had to give him the first spell.

Typically these matches were played for 8 overs per side. Srini's brother Karthi and Vijay were the openers. Karthi was a mediocre batsman. He was quite younger to us and was never dreaded. But he had had his days too. Vijay was dissonant when it came to batting. He was a fatty. He always had bread and butter with him which earned him the nickname, "Bread gundan (fatty)".

Tojo began chucking the first spell along with Srini. The first two overs were normal. They were not able to score much. Tojo bowled the 3rd over. He was completely ripped apart by "Bread gundan". 3 boundaries were scored off that over. Though it was bad for the team, I was on cloud nine. Afterall I had a reason to abase Tojo. I utilised it perfectly. I yelled at him and chided him. He could not say a word. Of course it irked him. I was so elated and contented for having taught him a lesson. He stopped ruminating and went to the long on to avoid me.

Srini bowled a reasonable 4th over. Then it was time for my spell. I was really confident of my chucking and started the 5th over. Karthi was facing me. He somehow managed to survive till the 5th over and it did surprise me a bit. I went really wide of the crease, and bowled one of those disguised slower deliveries. It was smashed for a six. Karthi, the softie became Dennis the menace. Appalled by the shot, I convinced myself that it was a fluke. I continued chucking my warney leg spins. My oh my, I was hit for 3 sixes and a four in that over. Nobody had ever scored so many runs off me in my chucking career. I was totally bludgeoned back to earth...


Now expectedly, Tojo was jumping over the moon. He was waiting for this moment to happen. That day he bemocked and humiliated me so much that I did not go to play again for the next 2 days. This incident taught me a lot of important lessons in life.

"Always be down to earth. Don't ever become proud/complacent."
"Never judge a man by his past. Everyone changes."
"You have to perform everyday. Past performances won't count for long."
"Life is full of surprises. Sometimes you pay and sometimes you receive."

I am not being philosophical here. Just a few observations. I am sorry if it sounded like a management lecture in the end ;).

PS: Karthi went on to become one of the best players. Last time when I saw him , he was representing his college team.



Busier than a Bumblebee!!!


All my summer vacations from the age of 11 to 16 were exact clones of each other. I worked my butt off for 16 hours a day. I was madly in love with cricket those days. Probably I was very uncivilized and immature then :). Kidding.. Back then our colony had roughly around 600 homes. We had about 6 bus stops. We were the studs from the 2nd bus stop. There were a flock of kids of my age group in our dominion. Since our colony is in the suburbs, there were a hatful of open spaces which means a plenitude of playgrounds.

My mundane agenda during the vacation was something like this. It was cricket all the time !!

While(SummerVacation)
{
7.00 AM: Wake up time.
8.30 AM: Break fast time.
9.30 AM: Hit the playground.
10.00 AM: Match with Ajay-Vijay bros.
1.00 PM: Lunch @ home.
2.00 PM: Match with Ajay-Vijay bros/Mickey-Mackey bros.
4.30 PM: Tea @ home.
5.00 PM: Practice matches.
7.00 PM: Hide and seek/Lagori/Site adichufying (bird watching :)) near the temple.
8.30 PM: Dinner time.
11.00 PM: Sleeping time.
};

It was the time of my life. I could now understand why people say "Ignorance is bliss". Life was a free fall those days.

A note on our regular opponents:

Ajay-Vijay bros:

Ajay-Vijay bros were from the 4th bus stop. Their family were running a fancy store namely, obviously Ajay-Vijay fancy store :-).. These two guys had formed a very good team with plenty of senior fellas. They had the luxury of usurping the necessary kits from their store. Needless to say we lost most of the matches with them. Ironically, we called ourselves "War winners" :-). There was no war. They played the drumsticks and we always had our back against the wall. We got battered always. Despite of our frequent losses we were so united that sometimes we end up with buttonless shirts and torn shorts after the match.

Mickey-Mackey bros:

Mickey-Mackey were anglo indians from the 6th bus stop. They both were really intimidating. Some of the guys in our team used to piss in their pants when Mackey starts bowling. Both those guys were very fit, good looking and full of pride. I used to envy them. I would say to myself that the best way to admonish them is to play like "Afridi" against "Venkatesh Prasad". Most of the times i would get hits in various parts of my body right from the head to toe. Once I lost a finger nail when I tried to defend a ball like Rahul Dravid :(. After that incident I opted to sit out as a substitute for which there was plenty of competition, of course.

A note on our team:

As I said, we called ourselves "War Winners". The genius who came up with this befitting name was none other than myself. Our team had some interesting/weird characters. We were always in a complete mess of the exponential order. Our team was like the slums of bombay. Full of chaos which is not supposed to work but it somehow works. When I named the team I took a notebook from my home and I laboriously listed down all the players. I also named the captain and the treasurer. Guess what I was the treasurer. My father was the treasurer of the welfare association of our colony. So I tried to emulate him ;). Till date, I have not received a penny from any of them. Ghajana vangaradhuku kooda kaasu illa !! (Absolutely no money to purchase even a piggy bank). Haahrrhmm..

I think that is enough of a prelude. I would introduce and throw light on the other players as and when the story demands ;-). I intend to follow up this post with lots of childhood experiences whenever I get time. Cheers !!...

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Cheran Maanagar diaries.....







Right now I am just occupying space at my residence in Coimbatore. I live in a colony rather a paradise called Cheran Maanagar. In my book/diary, it is the most fascinating place on earth. I grew up here. With "Cheran Maanagar diaries", I hope to relive my childhood days again. I am incapable of doing/copying a "Malgudi days" or a "Srirangathu kadhaigal".

My intention is to reminisce the most fantastic moments of my life with an utter selfish motive. By any chance, if it entertains/dozes you off then its purely accidental ;-). All posts containing my childhood memories would be tagged as "Cheran Maanagar diaries".




Monday, June 08, 2009

தீப்பெட்டி கதைகள்....



முழுவதுமாக பெளத்த மதத்துக்கு மாறினான்...
தனக்கு முழு வழுக்கை விழுந்தபின் ;-)..







10:30 PM:
அந்த கோர விபத்து நேர்ந்தது.. இளைஞன் சம்பவ இடத்திலே உயிர் இழந்தான்...
10:15 PM:
காரில் சென்று கொண்டிருந்தான்.. பலத்த மழை... வைப்பர் (Wiper) வேலை செய்யவில்லை...





9:00 மணிக்கு இன்டர்வியு (Interview).. 8:00 மணிக்கு ரயில் வந்து சேர்ந்தது.. பெட்டியை காணவில்லை...








துப்பாக்கியால் சுட்டு தற்கொலை செய்திருக்கிறான் என்றது அக்கம் பக்கம்.. மேசையில் புல்லட் கேட்ச் ட்ரிக் (Bullet Catch trick) செய்முறை விளக்கம் காற்றில் பறந்து கொண்டிருந்தது...





8000 மைல் பயணம், 60 மணி நேரம் பேச்சு, பின்பு 5 வருடம் ஓய்வெடுத்தான்.. அடுத்த தேர்தல் வரும் வரை...





நாள் முழுக்க அவள் வருகைக்காக காத்திருந்தான்.. சற்றும் தளரவில்லை.. அவள் வந்தாள்.. அவள் கையைப் பிடித்தான், கம்பிக்குள் இருந்து.. "அடுத்த மாசம் ரிலீஸ் (release)"..








"அவ யாருன்னே எனக்கு தெரியாது..."
"பொய் சொல்லாதே.. எனக்கு எல்லாம் தெரிஞ்சு போச்சு..."
"ஒத்துக்கறேன்.. நான் அவளை காதலிக்கறேன்.. அவளும் தான்.. இதுக்கு மேல கரண்ட் வெக்காதீங்க.."
கணவன் கொலை வழக்கில் கள்ளக்காதலன் கைது....






அடிபட்டு ரத்தம் போய்க் கொண்டிருந்தது.. ஆஸ்பத்திரி எங்கே?? ஆம்புலன்ஸ் கூப்பிட்டா வர மாட்டேன் என்கிறான்.. அவன் கண் முன்னே இறந்து போனது அந்த நாய்...

Saturday, May 30, 2009

Nandy....

Howdy!!.. I am one of those wretched homo sapiens living in a costly urban shack.. There is no reason for me to grin.. Yet i am laughing my head out and spinning on my feet... I get these gelastic seizures whenever I think about Nandini aka Nandy.. These days I ponder about Nandy all the time.. It all began 3 months ago when I first met her.. It was love at first sight and since then we have been living together.. It was all rainbows and sunshine in the initial days..

As the days passed by, her expenses grew exponentially.. Let me give you the evidence.. I have affixed her last month's expenses below... You should be able to gauge the amount of stress i am going through right now...

Did you see that? Yes, 25, 600 for a month!!!!.. That's a whopping 90% of my salary.. What do i do for my living then? People say that I look like a Zombie these days.. I can understand why...





Despite all this, she still smiles at me as if she does not know a thing... Do you believe that?.. How on earth can I question her? I have to decide thick and fast.. Possibly right now.. What do I do?.. Oh man, just now i penned down this month's expenses.. Take a look at that... Agonizing..

Enough is enough.. I have decided.. Can anyone give me the contact number of Blue Cross?? Doggies are a pain in the arse.....

மின்சாரம்....


மின்சாரம் இல்லாமலேயே எரிந்தது..
வயிறு.. மின் கட்டணத்தை பார்த்து...

உயரம் : 5' 12". எடை : 73 ----> உயரம் தெரியவில்லை. எடை : 500 கிராம்..
உபயம் : மின்சார சுடுகாடு!!!

ஆளும் கட்சி : இது எதிர் கட்சியினரின் சதி...
செய்தி : மின் வெட்டால் வாக்குப்பதிவு பாதிப்பு!!!

பருவ மழை விளாசல்!!...
விவசாயிகள் பெரு மகிழ்ச்சி ...
அறுந்த கம்பியால் மின்சாரம் (Electrocution) தாக்கி ஐவர் பலி....

அலெசான்ட்ரோ வோல்டா (Alessandro Volta) வை விட மகிழ்ச்சி அடைந்தார் அவர்...
தன் மகன் செய்த வோல்டைக் செல்லை (Voltaic Cell) பார்த்து!!!

விண்வெளியில் தெரிகிறதாம் லாஸ் வேகாசின் நீயான் விளக்குகள்...
இங்கே இன்னும் பல கிராமங்களில் "மின்சாரம் கிலோ எவ்வளவு?" நிலை தான்!!

எண்ணில் அடங்கா எண்ணற்ற தேர்தல் பிரச்சாரங்கள்.. ஒளி மயமான மேடைகள், ஸீரியல் விளக்குகள், ஒளி பெருக்கிகள், கட்டௌட்டுகள்...
மின்சார பற்றாக்குறையால் உற்பத்தி கடும் பாதிப்பு.....





Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Ladder 49-O

I was very excited and as euphoric as ever today. I woke up very early in the morning defying my body's sleeping laws. After having the morning dosage of caffeine, I was fresh and ready to go. Today was the 5th phase of the Indian Parliamentary Election 2009. Since I am a registered voter in the Coimbatore constituency, I had to bunk office and come all the way to Coimbatore for voting. By the way, I work in Bangalore.

I went along with my DNA donors (my parents ;-)) to the polling booth around 8 AM. As you know, the polling time is between 7 AM and 5 PM. Already I saw a big queue of responsible
citizens waiting for their turn. I met up with some old buddies and they appreciated the fact that I had come all the way from
Bangalore to vote. As I stood in the bee line, I heard that the EVM (Electronic Voting machine) in the women's section had gone haywire. After almost an hour, they got it repaired. EVM is to an election as the heart is to a human being. TII.. This Is India..

The line started moving faster and eventually I stepped into the booth. Before my turn, I saw how the whole process works. There were two polling officers, a voter ID verifier and a presiding officer in the booth. Booth agents from all the parties were also present. As you enter, they verify your voter ID or the equivalent and they ask you to sign in a register. When you sign, one of the polling officer shouts out your name and number and all the booth agents make a note of you as well. Then they apply the indelible ink on our left hand's index finger. After that you go and register your vote in the EVM.

Finally my turn came. One of the booth agents is a close companion of my father. I could hear him whispering to his fellow people that I had come from Bangalore for voting and he was glad. After I signed and got the ink in my finger, I told them that I want to record my vote under the 49-O rule. The polling officer was startled to hear this. She did not know what to do. The polling officers themselves were not sure of the procedure. I told them the procedure and the presiding officer confirmed it. I wrote that I am not interested to vote and signed underneath it. I was the first one to use 49-O in that polling booth and perhaps the only one.

All of the booth agents and hence the parties knew immediately that I used 49-O. If it were available in the EVM then things would have been much simpler. Even a lot of people would go for the option without much hesitation. My neighbor too was unhappy about the candidates but he was scared to exercise 49-O. He feared that all the party members would come to know about it and they could possibly create problems for him.

When I came out, I felt on top of the world. I was very happy that I voiced my discontent and displeasure about the political parties and leaders of this dilapidated country. I do not want to go blah blah about the issues. We all know what we go through everyday. I vented out all the frustrations accumulated over the years. Even though it might not make a difference, using 49-O sends out a warning to all the parties. I could see the effect immediately. One of my friends told that after I went, a big shot from a leading political party was cursing me outside the booth in front of everyone. Inadvertently he publicized 49-O for free. I was exultant after hearing this. I gave a pat on my back myself for the first time in my life.

The obvious question is, 'What's the big deal about 49-O, if it is not going to make a difference? '
If someday as it turns out that 49-O votes are more than the winning candidate's votes then we can at least try to file a case and use our judiciary to change the existing laws. Personally, I would vouch for laws which would allow the citizens to vote against all the candidates as found in Russia today.

We have a huge ladder to climb to bring about a difference in this country. Today I felt that I just climbed the first rung of the Ladder 49-O.

Sunday, May 03, 2009

All The Little Animals

"All The Little Animals" is a 1999 British movie starring Christian Bale as a mentally challenged person. He along with John Hurt give burials to animals that are killed by cars. John Hurt even curses all the cars. They call these burials "The work". They do it because of their affinity for animals. In a scene, Hurt sprinkles cheese pieces on the floor. He says, "Its for the mice. After the mice feed on them, the remains are scavenged by cockroaches." He further adds, "People kill mice to prevent them from stealing. I feed them." Its a curt dialog but it means a lot.

Which is the most deadliest living thing on earth? Is it the Black Mamba, HIV or Hepatitis B? No. The answer is we, the human beings. We are directly or indirectly responsible for the extinction of 50 to 55 thousand species every year. Still we claim to be devout, children of god etc etc. We truly suck. We cut trees because of which so many birds and insects lose their habitat. We run apiaries and plunder bees. We run slaughterhouses and mercilessly consume meat. And yet we call ourselves cultured, dignified and amiable. Being deadly and on the top of the food chain, I feel responsible. I feel it is important to sprinkle those cheese pieces every day on the floor. I revere my sister and mother for their kinship with animals.



Every morning they feed all kinds of birds ranging from Crows, Mynas to Seven Sisters. We keep a bowl of water on our roof top. All the birds happily take bath and drink water. Just a bowl of water and a peck of food can make a difference of life and death for those poor birds.

Recently Squirrels are thriving at our home. They primarily consume Sapotas and nuts. We have a Sapota tree exclusively for Squirrels and Bats. I never feel that we are doing some kind of a service to those little animals. Its just fun. It makes me feel wonderful to see them enjoy their sumptuous meal. For human beings its more the state of survival but for them its survival.

With our population increasing exponentially, animals are fast losing their habitat. Helping them to survive in the urban environment would make a lot of difference. If not for the ecological importance, we should help them to survive at least for the sake of biodiversity.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Tryst #1 : The restaurant yak - Episode 1

Place: Some restaurant some where..
Time: Some time in the morning...


Sibi: "Hey Nila it's been long since we met. Whats up?"

Nila: "Sibi, lets take the last table. You be there. I have to go to the restroom."

Nila was back as usual with a Pulp fiction in her hands.

Sibi: "You still do it is it? Reading those pulp fictions in the restroom.."

Nila: "Yeah. Ever since I saw John Travolta doing it in Pulp Fiction. Errrr... You know it man. "

Sibi: "Hmm.. Yeah what a movie!!.. Quentin Tarantino is the best.. His movies tap the untapped parts of the brain.. You know what I mean..."

Nila: "Absolutely.. You know what I am going to try "Ship's Mast" someday."

Sibi: "Come on Nila.. You can't even ride a bicyle.. Forget it.. Lets talk about food for a while.. I am damn hungrig.."

Nila:
"What hungrig??"

Sibi: "Yes.. It means hungry in German.. hee hee.."

Nila: "Oh cut it Sibi.. I am gonna have idli.. What about you?"

Sibi: "Idli.. Are you in a diet or something? Anyways it has no fat and all carbs.. Good for girls.. But you know if you dont work out then the carbs would turn fat and eventually you would turn fat.."

Nila: "Oh no way.. Look at me.. I am close to size zero now.. Call the waiter.. By the way what are you gonna have?"..

Sibi: "Wait and see.."

In the meantime the hailfellowwellmet waiter arrived..

Sibi: "Howdy.. Whats your name?"

Waiter: "Mano Sir!!.. How can I help you?"

Sibi: "Get this size zero lady a plate of idli.. And for me, pongal with added roasted cashews and pepper.. I am size 42 by the way.. hee hee.."

Waiter: "Sure (you are).. ahemm.. Sure Sir!!"

Nila: "Sibi.. It has been 5 years since you said you will lose weight. You will never lose weight.. It is impossible.."

Sibi: "What impossible? Impossible itself says I'm possible..Grr.. Hmm.. Forget it its a cliche.. Looks impossible to me too.."

Nila: "Its like trying to trisect an angle with a compass and a straightedge.. Its impossible.."

Sibi: "Yeah it is proven using Galois theory.. You know the person behind Galois theory, Evariste Galois died at the age of 21 in a duel.."























To be continued......


Glossary:

Ship's Mast : http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Ship's%20Mast

Idli : A savory cake popular throughout South India.

Carbs : Short form of Carbohydrates.

Pongal : A popular rice based South Indian dish.

Evariste Galois : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Evariste_Galois

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

சிந்தனை துளிகள்....

பூவில் உள்ள தேனை உறியும் வண்டு அதன் மகரந்த சேர்க்கைக்கு உதவுகிறது. பூவை பறித்து தலையில் சூடுவதால் அதற்கு நாம் என்ன உதவி செய்கிறோம்???...

வாழை இலையை disposable plate ஆகவும், பனை ஓலையை disposable cup ஆகவும் உபயோகித்து வந்த நமக்கு எதற்கு plastic. சற்று சிந்தித்து செயல்படுவோம்!!

ஆக்ஸிஜன் அதிகமாக உள்ள நீரில் பாக்டீரியா பெருக முடியாது.
உதாரணம் : கங்கை அன்று!!
பிணங்கள், குப்பைகள் நிறைந்த நீரில் பாக்டீரியா தாண்டவம் ஆடும்.
உதாரணம்; கங்கை இன்று!!

பையன் கலெக்டர் ஆவான், வெளிநாடு செல்வான், போன ஜென்மத்தில் இவனுக்கு இந்த தோஷம் என்றெல்லாம் புட்டு புட்டு வைக்கும் ஜோதிடம், நிலநடுக்கம், சுனாமி , எரிமலை இதெல்லாம் எப்போது வரும் என்று சொன்னால் நன்றாக இருக்கும்..

வீட்டில் சிலந்தி, கரப்பான் பூச்சி, பல்லி, எறும்பு ஆகியவற்றை வளர்த்தால், வீடு சுத்தம் இல்லை என்கிறது சமுதாயம்...

விளம்பரம் (அன்று) : வீட்டு வேலை செய்ய வேலைக்காரி உடனடியாக தேவை..
விளம்பரம் (இன்று) : அமெரிக்க மாப்பிளை.. அழகான மணப்பெண் உடனடியாக தேவை..





Monday, April 06, 2009

The curious case of Chokalingam



Chokalingam aka Choku was just another signal operator in the mammoth Indian Railways. He was a resident of the Ambattur Industrial estate area in Chennai. Once returning home in his bicycle, he met with a freaky accident that gave him a fractured hand. It took him 6 months to recover. During the 6 months at home, Choku enjoyed the sceneries of smoke and fumes from the nearby industries. Naturally he was relieved after being recovered and reported to work finally. He was in the night shift and as usual took charge of the lonely signal at the outskirts of Chennai. Choku's comeback day turned out to be a nightmare. That day the Blue mountain express derailed near his signal. Fortunately very few people were injured. Immediately an investigation was triggered off.


Railway police official Raghavan lead the investigation. Raghavan summoned Raman first for interrogation. Raman was the engine driver of The Blue Mountain express that day. According to Raman, Choku had shown green lights. And as he was about to cross the signal he noticed another train coming straight at him from the opposite direction. Raman made a last ditched effort to stop the train to avoid the collision and it derailed. Though Raman was cogent, Raghavan seemed to be inconclusive. He called for Choku next.

Choku claimed that he showed the Red lights but for some reason the Blue Mountain did not stop. Choku added that Raman might have lost control due to a lapse in concentration. He added that it could have been worse if there had been a collision. Both Choku and Raman's claims were persuasive. Raghavan realised that the case was not so easy as he thought. He decided to take both Choku and Raman for a polygraph test.

First it was Choku's turn to take the polygraph test. He passed the test successfully. Now Raghavan had a clear suspicion on Raman. To Raghavan's astonishment, Raman also passed the polygraph test. Raghavan clearly had a job in his hands. Raghavan decided to question both Choku and Raman together. As the interrogation was steaming on, Raghavan was penning down some points. All of a sudden, he dropped his pen by mistake. Choku picked it up and as he gave it to Raghavan, said that the pen was cute and has got a nice shade of red. Raghavan's eyes lit up immediately.

The next day he attached the Doctor's certificate to the case file and called off the investigation. Choku was fired. The certificate confirmed that Chokalingam had acquired color blindness. Raghavan realized Choku's plight as soon as Choku called a Green colored pen, Red. While Choku was recuperating from his fracture at home, his body had obtained abnormal amounts of lead, thanks to the industries nearby. Unusual amounts of lead had caused the Red/Green type of color blindness in Choku.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

இரவு நேர பேருந்து பயணங்களில்.......

பேருந்தின் இஞ்சின் (Engine) சத்தம் ஒரு பொருட்டாகவே தெரிவதில்லை. ஆனால் லேசாக குறட்டை சத்தம் கேட்டால் அப்படி ஒரு உறுத்தல்.

நான் அதிகம் பயணம் செய்தது 13 ஆம் இருக்கையில் அமர்ந்து தான். பேருந்தின் நடுவில் அமைந்திருப்பதால் அதை விட பாதுகாப்பான இருக்கை வேறு எதுவும் இல்லை.

இளைய ஓட்டுனராக இருந்தால் அனுபவம் குறைவு என்று கவலை. கொஞ்சம் வயதானவராக இருந்தால் உடல் நலம் குறைவாக இருக்குமோ என்று கவலை.

பேருந்து மெதுவாக சென்றால் பொறுமை இழப்பேன். வேகமாக சென்றால் பயம் உணர்வேன். இதை தான் ஆங்கிலத்தில் ambivalence என்று சொல்வார்களோ!.

இரவு 2 மணிக்கு நொறுக்கு தீனி தின்றுவிட்டு அந்த பிளாஸ்டிக் பையை அப்படியே பேருந்தில் இருந்து சாலையில் வீசி எரியும் கூட்டம் ஒன்று எப்போதும் உண்டு. என்ன ஜென்மங்களோ!

கைபேசியில் இரவு முழுவதும் பேசி பேசி உலகத்தையே திருப்பி போடும் இளமை பட்டாளத்தின் அட்டகாசத்தை சொல்லி மாளாது.

எப்பொழுதுமே சம்பள உயர்வு, வேலை தொழில்நுட்பம், கல்யாணம், வெளிநாட்டு பயணம் (onsite) பற்றி பேசிக்கொண்டிருக்கும் உருப்படாத சில கணிப்பொறி கூலிகள். தான் தான் மேதாவி என்றும், மற்ற அனைவரும் முட்டாள்கள் என்றும் ஒரு எண்ணம் இவர்களுக்கு. சாப்ட்வேர் (சாவு) கிராக்கிகள்!

ஓட்டுனர் திடீர் என பிரேக் பிடித்தால், சைக்கிள் கூட ஓட்டத் தெரியாத பயணி பின்னால் இருந்து திட்டுவான். இவன் ஓட்டினால் தெரியும் கஷ்டம். ஓட்டுனரும் மனிதன் தானே.

வண்டி புறப்படும் வரை கீழே சிகரெட் பிடிக்கும் ஆசாமிகள், வண்டி புறப்படும் தருணத்தில் கடைக்குச் சென்று புத்தகம், தண்ணி பாட்டில் வாங்கும் cool guys என்று கடுப்பு அடிக்கும் அரவேக்காடுகள் என்றும் உண்டு.

கழிப்பறை வசதி கொண்ட இடத்தில் பேருந்து நிறுத்த பட்டாலும், வெட்ட வெளியில் தான் சிறுநீர் கழிப்பேன் என்று கங்கணம் கட்டி கொண்டு சுதந்திரமாக அசுத்த படுத்துபவர்கள் பலர்.

சில நடத்துனர்கள் ஓட்டுனர்களிடம் பேசிக்கொண்டே வருவார்கள். ஓட்டுனர் விழித்து கொண்டு தான் பதில் சொல்ல வேண்டும். அதில் எனக்கு ஒரு மன அமைதி. நிம்மதியாக உறங்கிவிடுவேன். சில நடத்துனர்கள் ஓட்டுனர்களிடம் சண்டை போட்டுக் கொண்டு மௌனமாக இருப்பார்கள். இது ஓட்டுனரின் கவனத்தை குறைக்கும். இந்த சமயங்களில் ஓட்டுனரின் மன நிலையை ஆராய்ந்து ஆராய்ந்து நான் மன உளைச்சலுக்கு ஆளாவேன்.

அழகான பெண் ஒருத்தி கடைசி இருக்கையில் அமர்ந்து இருந்தாலும், பேருந்தின் உள்ளே நுழையும் அத்தனை ஆண்களின் பார்வையும் முதலில் அங்கே தான் இருக்கும். இது உலக நியதி (universal truth) போலும்.


Thursday, February 12, 2009













எனது
எண்ணங்கள் இங்கு உங்களுக்காக !!



வறுமை - பிள்ளையார் கோவில் தேங்காய் பொறுக்கித் தின்றான் நாத்திகன்

சூரியனே நீயும் இனவாதி தான்! பின்னே, நீ அதிகம் தாக்குவது கறுப்பர்களை தானே, ஆப்ரிக்காவில்!

அத்துனை அழகு என் அம்மா போட்ட கோலம். உண்மையில் அவள் ஒரு கணித மேதை தான்.

இந்தியாவில் எங்கோ ஒரு சாலையில்: வண்டி ஓட்டுபவன் கையிலோ முழு நீள கையுறை. குப்பை அள்ளுபவனோ வெறுங்கையுடன்!

கேள்வி : "லஞ்சம் வாங்கும் அரசியல்வாதி ஏன் மாட்டுவதில்லை ?" பதில் கேள்வி : " வலை பின்னும் சிலந்தி மட்டும் ஏன் வலையில் மாட்டுவதில்லை ?"

சுற்றுச்சூழல் பாதுகாப்பு பற்றி பேசியவர் பட்டுப்புடவை அணிந்திருந்தார் :-).

டிவியில் பாடும் இளைஞனோ கோடிகளின் பிடியில். வயலில் பாடும் உழவனோ வறட்சியின் மடியில்!

"அன்பே சிவம்" என்றபடி ஆட்டுக்கால் சூப் குடித்தார் அந்த பெரிய மனிதர்.

பரிணாம வளர்ச்சியால் அண்டம் முழுவதும் பரவியதால் தான் உன் பெயர் அண்டங்காக்கையோ!

ராமுவை கொன்ற சோமு சுதந்திரமாக சுற்றித் திரிந்தான். கோபுவை அடித்த பாபுவுக்கோ சிறை தண்டனை. பின் குறிப்பு : ராமு - சோமு வளர்த்த ஆடு. கோபு - பாபுவின் சகோதரன்.

காதல், அது இனவிருத்தியின் முதல் படி!