வேலை இல்லாதவனின் வெட்டி வார்த்தைகள்

இளைஞர்களை நாத்திகவாதியாக்க எளிய வழி: கோயில்களில் கைப்பேசியை தடை செய்வது!

பதில் : இருக்கு ஆனா இல்ல. இல்ல ஆனா இருக்கு.

கேள்வி : ஆன்மீகம் என்றால் என்ன?

எனது மூளையை சிறுமையாக படைத்தவன் கடவுளா?

ஒத்திப்போடுதல் தீமை! இதை போன வருடமே சொல்ல நினைத்தேன் :)

அடுக்கு மாடி கல்லறையில் ஏறி ஒரு பூ வைத்து அஞ்சலி செலுத்தினான், தன் தகப்பனாருக்கு!

பெயர் : பொற்செழியன் தோற்றம் : கிபி 2415 மறைவு : கிபி 2500

"கண்ணா இது தான் பேனா"

"அம்மா பேனா எதுக்கு?"

"இத வெச்சு எழுதலாம், கையெழுத்து போடலாம்"

"கையெழுத்தா அப்படினா?"

இடம் : பேனா ம்யூஸீயம் , கிபி 2600

அகழி அமைகிறார்கள். எதிரியிடம் இருந்து காக்க அல்ல. யானையிடம் இருந்து விவசாய நிலத்தை காக்க...

கோடி எண்ணங்கள் துணை இருந்தால் அது தனிமை!

தமிழில் படிக்கலாம் வாங்க!!

I was just watching a kids' show in the most widely seen television channel in our country, the "Doordarshan" ;-).

Two puppets were reciting this nursery rhyme,

One Two

Who are you

Three Four

Open the door

Five Six

Pick up the sticks

Seven Eight

Lay them straight

Nine Ten

A big fat hen

I am sure kids would have a lot of fun reciting this. I thought why not translate this in tamil.

தமிழிலும் படிக்கலாமே..

So here goes my translation (not a literal one though ;-0),

ஒன்னு ரெண்டு

வாய கொஞ்சம் மூடு

மூனு நாலு

சங்கு ஊதினா பாலு

அஞ்சு ஆறு

மூஞ்சியப் பாரு

ஏழு எட்டு

போடாத பிட்டு

ஒன்பது பத்து

இத எழுதினவன சாத்து!!!

I just did it for the pun of it. No offense meant whatsoever!!!

Gattaca...

MJ was indifferently skimming through the newsdaily..

"50th anniversary of Micheal Jackson's death"

"A1B1 declared endemic by WHO"

"Sparrow spotted near the Sundarbans. Sparrows were believed to be extinct 30 years ago."

Sports:

"India lose the series in Australia."

"Delhi still preparing for the commonwealth games."

......

Ad zone:

"No time to cook?? No time to train kids?? Arivu, the intelligent agent has arrived. Now buy Arivu for just Rs. 10000. 5 new emotions added. "

"Worried about dark complexion? Want to be fair? Call us on 1800-122-133-5."

.....

MJ picked up the phone and said 1800-122-133-5.

"Press 1 to schedule an appointment."

"Press 2 to cancel an appointment."

"Press 3 to register a complaint."

"Press 4 for general info about 'O' Cure hospital."

"Press # to revisit the menu."

He nailed"1" and said "20th aug, 8 AM, Fair skin treatment".

20th aug, 8 AM

Venue: 'O' Cure hospital

Dr. O seemed very pleasant and most importantly very fair. It was convincing enough.

"Good Morning doctor."

"Morning MJ. So you are here for the fair skin treatment right?"

"Yes doc."

"You can tell me why do you want to do this, if you wish. I am just curious."

"Yes sure doctor. Though the world has advanced at a staggering pace in all respects, racism in our country is still in tact. I feel inferior and humiliated always. Everyone is biased. People still judge you by your skin color. I have lost so much in life just because i am dark. I want to be fair somehow."

"I understand your concern. Btw, I am totally against all such absurdities that are prevalent in our so called 'civilized' society. But the reality is most people are racists. I treat this as some kind of a service, though I would be happy if the society changes. I have treated 12 patients so far and all of them have got great results. "

Dr 'O' showed a terminal with all the testimonials duly digitally signed by the patients.

He went through the testimonials. One person had explained how he was able to marry a fair looking girl after the treatment. Another spoke about the change in his self-confidence and so on. It all sounded wonderful.

"But doctor how is it possible?"

"If we can modify the DNA, anything is possible. I found out that a specific protein extract from sharks can modify the genetic code for skin color without any side effects. I tested it on me and you can see the results. GATTACA !!"

"Hmm sounds persuasive. What is the procedure like?"

"It is very simple. You have to take this protein shot. After 4 months you would have a completely new grown fair skin."

"Let us do it doctor. I can't wait to see the results." said an unduly enthusiastic MJ.

Dr.O gave the shot and got his dues.

Dr. 'O''s words were not just words. Day by day he was seeing the change. He had become totally fair after 4 months. It gave a fresh breathe of air to MJ's mundane life. His life had turned on its head since he took the shot. He gifted an Audi to Dr. O..

Six months later:

For the past week or so, MJ had been feeling uncomfortable whenever he sat.

That day MJ woke up late and started browsing through the newsdaily. The top headline was,

"Dr. O arrested. A group of 12 people have filed the complaint. All of them had undergone fair skin treatment from 'O' Cure hospital. "

Pictures of all the affected 12 people were printed in fine colors. One of them had hair all over his body, some had horns, one stood with a long sticky tongue and a guy had developed webbed foot etc..

He was appalled to see those pictures.

His back started hurting badly. Something started to protrude out of his back.

In few days time, a fully grown tail was hanging out of his back !!.

Even after repeated amputations, MJ's tail never ceased growing.

It was later reported that Dr. O had developed a marsupial pouch under his belly.

PS: This is my first attempt with sci-fi. Kindly pour in your comments/criticisms ;-)..

Bludgeoned back to earth...

It was one of those routine practice matches. So the "War Winners" were forked into two teams. Always I had a say in choosing the members of my team. I called the shots eventhough I was not the captain. Afterall captain is just another player :). I got my favorite buddies in our team and I sent Srini for spinning the coin. Let me describe Srini a bit. Srini was pale and he had an emaciated look. He was a guileless fellow who gave everything for friends. I used to always take him on my team as I liked him. He had shelled out lot of valuable money and time for the baddies of our town. I don't know what happened to him now. Last time when I saw him, he was working somewhere. He was not able to graduate from college due to the same bad company.

As a player, he was ordinary. Coming back to the game, he went and lost the toss. So we had to bowl. In our matches, whoever wins the toss would always bat first.

Though everyone loves batting more than bowling, the real reason was you never know when the ball would be busted. We never had the money to do instant purchases. So people always wanted to get as much batting as possible.

As we got ready to bowl, Tojo came in to play. Tojo was a dark lanky fellow. He was very senior to us. He always flaunted his earrings, constantly ruminated a bubble gum and had this air around him. He thought that he was handsome. I loathed him to the core. Unfortunately that day, we had to take him in our team as we were one player short.

In the practice matches, we chose to chuck rather than bowl. The reason being that bowling would drastically slow down the pace and with chucking you get to play a lot more number of games. I was adept at chucking the ball. I used to conjure up those mad angles by chucking wide of the crease. I was usually not scored off more than 4 or 5 runs an over. That day I decided to bowl the second spell. Since the big fella Tojo was there I had to give him the first spell.

Typically these matches were played for 8 overs per side. Srini's brother Karthi and Vijay were the openers. Karthi was a mediocre batsman. He was quite younger to us and was never dreaded. But he had had his days too. Vijay was dissonant when it came to batting. He was a fatty. He always had bread and butter with him which earned him the nickname, "Bread gundan (fatty)".

Tojo began chucking the first spell along with Srini. The first two overs were normal. They were not able to score much. Tojo bowled the 3rd over. He was completely ripped apart by "Bread gundan". 3 boundaries were scored off that over. Though it was bad for the team, I was on cloud nine. Afterall I had a reason to abase Tojo. I utilised it perfectly. I yelled at him and chided him. He could not say a word. Of course it irked him. I was so elated and contented for having taught him a lesson. He stopped ruminating and went to the long on to avoid me.

Srini bowled a reasonable 4th over. Then it was time for my spell. I was really confident of my chucking and started the 5th over. Karthi was facing me. He somehow managed to survive till the 5th over and it did surprise me a bit. I went really wide of the crease, and bowled one of those disguised slower deliveries. It was smashed for a six. Karthi, the softie became Dennis the menace. Appalled by the shot, I convinced myself that it was a fluke. I continued chucking my warney leg spins. My oh my, I was hit for 3 sixes and a four in that over. Nobody had ever scored so many runs off me in my chucking career. I was totally bludgeoned back to earth...

Now expectedly, Tojo was jumping over the moon. He was waiting for this moment to happen. That day he bemocked and humiliated me so much that I did not go to play again for the next 2 days. This incident taught me a lot of important lessons in life.

"Always be down to earth. Don't ever become proud/complacent."

"Never judge a man by his past. Everyone changes."

"You have to perform everyday. Past performances won't count for long."

"Life is full of surprises. Sometimes you pay and sometimes you receive."

I am not being philosophical here. Just a few observations. I am sorry if it sounded like a management lecture in the end ;).

PS: Karthi went on to become one of the best players. Last time when I saw him , he was representing his college team.

Busier than a Bumblebee!!!

All my summer vacations from the age of 11 to 16 were exact clones of each other. I worked my butt off for 16 hours a day. I was madly in love with cricket those days. Probably I was very uncivilized and immature then :). Kidding.. Back then our colony had roughly around 600 homes. We had about 6 bus stops. We were the studs from the 2nd bus stop. There were a flock of kids of my age group in our dominion. Since our colony is in the suburbs, there were a hatful of open spaces which means a plenitude of playgrounds.

My mundane agenda during the vacation was something like this. It was cricket all the time !!

While(SummerVacation)

{

7.00 AM: Wake up time.

8.30 AM: Break fast time.

9.30 AM: Hit the playground.

10.00 AM: Match with Ajay-Vijay bros.

1.00 PM: Lunch @ home.

2.00 PM: Match with Ajay-Vijay bros/Mickey-Mackey bros.

4.30 PM: Tea @ home.

5.00 PM: Practice matches.

7.00 PM: Hide and seek/Lagori/Site adichufying (bird watching :)) near the temple.

8.30 PM: Dinner time.

9.00 PM: Chess/Trade/Carrom/Pallanguli (http://sports.indianetzone.com/traditional_games/1/pallanguli.htm)

11.00 PM: Sleeping time.

};

It was the time of my life. I could now understand why people say "Ignorance is bliss". Life was a free fall those days.

A note on our regular opponents:

Ajay-Vijay bros:

Ajay-Vijay bros were from the 4th bus stop. Their family were running a fancy store namely, obviously Ajay-Vijay fancy store :-).. These two guys had formed a very good team with plenty of senior fellas. They had the luxury of usurping the necessary kits from their store. Needless to say we lost most of the matches with them. Ironically, we called ourselves "War winners" :-). There was no war. They played the drumsticks and we always had our back against the wall. We got battered always. Despite of our frequent losses we were so united that sometimes we end up with buttonless shirts and torn shorts after the match.

Mickey-Mackey bros:

Mickey-Mackey were anglo indians from the 6th bus stop. They both were really intimidating. Some of the guys in our team used to piss in their pants when Mackey starts bowling. Both those guys were very fit, good looking and full of pride. I used to envy them. I would say to myself that the best way to admonish them is to play like "Afridi" against "Venkatesh Prasad". Most of the times i would get hits in various parts of my body right from the head to toe. Once I lost a finger nail when I tried to defend a ball like Rahul Dravid :(. After that incident I opted to sit out as a substitute for which there was plenty of competition, of course.

A note on our team:

As I said, we called ourselves "War Winners". The genius who came up with this befitting name was none other than myself. Our team had some interesting/weird characters. We were always in a complete mess of the exponential order. Our team was like the slums of bombay. Full of chaos which is not supposed to work but it somehow works. When I named the team I took a notebook from my home and I laboriously listed down all the players. I also named the captain and the treasurer. Guess what I was the treasurer. My father was the treasurer of the welfare association of our colony. So I tried to emulate him ;). Till date, I have not received a penny from any of them. Ghajana vangaradhuku kooda kaasu illa !! (Absolutely no money to purchase even a piggy bank). Haahrrhmm..

I think that is enough of a prelude. I would introduce and throw light on the other players as and when the story demands ;-). I intend to follow up this post with lots of childhood experiences whenever I get time. Cheers !!...